By Jason Rohrbacker, courtesy of
McSweeney's (where you'll find a cornucopia of hilarious Thanksgiving lists).
Whose house this is and how you'll act in it
Who put a roof over your head and how you'll behave as long as you're under it
Who is not here to win any popularity contests
Who is just plain ignorant
When this conversation is over
What is an argument and what is just a discussion
Whether Democrats or Republicans are closeted child-molesting homosexual Communists
Who is in charge here
How school is going
Who has had more than enough to drink
The weather